No Joking! Riff and Matthew's Book of Silly Jokes
This is the first Riff and Matthew joke book, released February 2007, when the show was released. Description Hey, boys! Read a collection of silly jokes created just for you by Riff and Matthew and their friends on the Disney Channel! ("Family" for Canadian editions) Ages 7-11. List Riff's Music Jokes What is yellow, weighs 2000 pounds, an' sings? Two 500 pound canaries. Why do da flourescent lights in ma bungalow hum? Because dey forgot da words. Why is ma piano soooooo hard to open? Because its keys are on de inside! What is da most musical bone in da body? Da trombone. What accessory makes music on yo' head? A headband. Why was Abe's music teacher sooooooo angry? He left his keys in his piano. How do ya make a jazz bandstand? Take away da chairs! Why was da jazz musician arrested? Because he was in treble. Why did da hummingbird hum? Because he forgot da words. What is green an' sings 50's rock? Elvis Parsley! Why is slippery ice like music? If you don't C sharp...you'll B flat! What was the result when a piano fell down a mine shaft? A-Flat Minor. Why are pirates great singers? They can hit the high C's. What rock group has four guys who don't sing? Mount Rushmore! What do ya get when ya cross a serpent and a trumpet? A snake in da brass. What was stolen from the music store? Da lute. What do ya call a cow on a musical instrument? A moosician. Knock-knock! (Who's there?) Little ol' lady! (Little old lady who?) Wow-I did NOT know you could yodel! What did the little penguin sing when his father brought him home fish for dinner? Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow. What type of music are most balloons scared of? Pop music. What is da most musical part of a turkey? Da drumstick. What's da most musical part of a fish? Da scales. What's da difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but ya can't tuna fish. Why did da singer climb a ladder? He wanted to reach the high notes! What type of songs do the planets sing? Nep-tunes. What is every cat's favorite song? Three Blind Mice. What do you get when ya cross a grizzly bear an' a harp? A bear-faced lyre. What do you call a horse on a violin? Fiddler on the Hoof. Who's brown, lives in Australia, and sings British rock songs? Dingo Starr. Who's black, white, and yellow, has a horn, and sings jazz? Cab Calloway. What do ya get when ya cross a jazz musician with a sweet potato? A yam session. Matthew's Car Jokes What would the US be called if everyone had a pink car? A pink carnation. What would the US be called is everyone lived inside of their cars? An incarnation. What did the dino get when his car crashed? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks. What made the dino's car crash? A flat "Tireannosaurus." Why was the car stinky? Because he had a gas attack. Knock-Knock! Who's there? Cargo. Cargo who? Cargo really fast when you step on the gas! What time is it when an elephant is in your car? It's time to fix the car. What did the dinosaur say after the car crash? "I'm-so-saurus." What happened to the frog who parked his car in a no-parking space? He got toad away. What is Elvis Presley's car? A rock n' rolls Royce. What do you call a car that talks too much? A veyakle. AAAAAH! Embarrassing Jokes! What do Riff and Matthew eat when they're embarrassed? I scream! What is black and white and red all over? An embarrassed zebra! What is black-white-red, black-white-red, black-white-red? An embarrassed zebra caught in a revolving door! What is grey, but turns red after a while? An embarrassed elephant! Why was the car embarrassed? Because he had a gas attack! Knock-knock. Who's there? Bashful. Bashful who? I can't tell you-I'm too embarrassed. What is red and red and red and red and red? An embarrassed person rolling down a hill! Why was the chef embarrassed? Because he saw the salad dressing. What do Riff and Matthew eat to freshen their breath and make their faces turn red? Embarrassmints. Why was the chicken embarrassed. Because he had egg on his face. Why was the toilet embarrassed? Because its cheeks were flushed. Abe's Dancing Jokes What is a snake's favourite dance? The mamba. Why didn't the butterfly go to the dance? Because it was a moth ball. Why is a rabbit the world's best breakdancer? He loves hip-hop. Why did the ballerina quit dance school? It was tutu hard. Why are dogs bad dancers? They have two left feet. Where do they dance? Snowflakes-The snowball. Chickens-The fowl ball. Sneakers-The football. Rabbits without footwear-The sock hop. Baskets-At the basketball. Soccer players-The soccer ball. Skunks-The foul ball. Susan's Funky Females Jokes What's orange and yellow, orange and yellow, orange and yellow, orange and yellow? Wicked-Cool Wendy rolling down a hill. What's blue and green, blue and green, blue and green, blue and green? Funny Frances rolling down a hill. Why didn't Gloria cry when her lantern was off? Because she was de-lighted. Why did Gigi wear eyeglasses to math class? They improve di-vision. Why did the Funky Female cross the road? To practice street safety, silly! Abe's School Jokes Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? His students were bright. Why was the teacher cross-eyed? Because he couldn't control his pupils. What did you learn in school today? Not enough, I have to come back tomorrow. What is a math teacher's favourite food? Pi. Why did the student do multiplication on the floor? The teacher told him not to use tables. What is a geography teacher's favourite type of music? Country! Why did the clock in the cafeteria run slow? It always went back four/for seconds. What should you do if a teacher rolls his eyes at you? Pick them up and roll them back to him. Pencils could be made with erasers on both ends, but that would be pointless. Knock-Knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? There is no point to this one. Why didn't the zombie go to school? Because she felt rotten. What is an owl's favourite class? Owlgebra. What is a snake's favourite subject? Hisstory. Why was the math book sad? Because he had problems. Rose's Soccer Jokes What can light up a soccer field? A soccer match. What does a ghost do in soccer? He scores ghouls. What is a soccer player's favorite candy bar? Score/Skor. What happened when the dinosaur made a goal with a soccer ball? He got a dino-score. Abe's Pirate Jokes What grades did the pirate get in school? High C's. What is a pirate's favourite juice? High-C. Why couldn't the pirate complete his alphabet? He was lost at C. What do you call a school-skipping pirate? Captain Hooky. What is a pirate afraid of? The darrrrrrk. What color socks do pirates wear? Arrrrgyle. Where do pirates eat? At Arrrrby's. What did the pirate T-rex love? Pieces of ate. Betty and Ellen's Favourite Jokes What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You may step into a poodle. They say dog is a man's best friend. Cat is a woman's best friend. It's okay if it rains cats and dogs, as long as it doesn't reindeer! If this food tastes kind of funny, then why aren't you laughing? What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis. Who earns a living by driving his costumers away? A taxi driver. Why did the leopard wear a striped sweater? So that he wouldn't be spotted. What was the man nicknamed when his right hand got bitten off by a wildcat? Lefty. Why do dogs need licenses, but not cats? Everybody knows that cats can't drive. Why did the flamingo stand on one leg? To prevent herself from falling down, because she's fall if she lifted the other one. Bob and Fred's Favourite Jokes What do you call Bob's sister when she is too hot? Sweaty Betty. Knock-knock. Who's there? Betty. Betty who? Betty you don't know who this is! Knock-knock. Who's there? I'm Fred! I'm Fred who? I'm Fred of ghosts! Why didn't Betty, Ellen and us believe the tiger? We all thought she was lion. Other Funny Jokes Who's most likely to lie on your doorstep? Matt. Who's most likely to be a lawyer? Sue-san. Who's most likely to win money of something goes right? Bet-ty. Knock-knock. Who's there? Matt. Matt who? Matthew, that's who. What did da cheeseburger name his daughtuh? Patty. Who's great at arithmetic? Math-ew. What did Riff say when he got homework from his best friend? "Math. Ew!" (Matthew) Who's most likely to float in the Dead Sea? Bob! Who loves coffee? Joe! How to Tell a Joke Step 1: KNOW the joke. STEP 2: Speak clearly-don't mumble. Step 3: Ask the question, then pause before the punchline. TIP: Try to impersonate a DisneyToon star when you tell jokes. Category:Books Category:Riff and Matthew Category:Joke Books